


Until Graduation

by seriousfic



Category: Legend of the Seeker
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-07
Updated: 2013-02-07
Packaged: 2017-11-28 13:05:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/674708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seriousfic/pseuds/seriousfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kahlan is straight. Kahlan is Richard's girlfriend. Kahlan is president of the College Christian Club. Cara's in love with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Until Graduation

Kahlan was straight. Straight, straight, straight. Cara kept telling herself that because she wasn't sure Kahlan remembered.  
  
Cara had been studying. Easy to do, since her roommate had disappeared with her sickeningly perfect boyfriend to a party that Kahlan insisted on calling a "social mixer." Probably part of Kahlan's drive to make everything sound boring. She called Cara fucking a handcuffed man with a strap-on an "alternate lifestyle."   
  
Not that Cara let her know about the handcuffs or the sex toys, even if Kahlan looked damned cute when she was scandalized. Cara wasn't much for socializing. During the week, she studied. On weekends, she finished studying, drove twenty miles to a hotel her sister ran, and took advantage of the free room Grace had generously (stupidly) promised her to pick up strangers from bars. All where she'd never have to worry about the knuckle-draggers from her school seeing her in her leathers.  
  
She knew how most of her professors would react to finding out she liked to be gagged and slapped. She was fine with keeping the two worlds very, very separate. She was even fine with Kahlan not knowing. She wasn't doing the 'in love with a straight girl' business. The last thing she needed was to be someone's college experiment, ending up in a letter back home about how she'd corrupted someone and getting enough religious pamphlets in her inbox to roll joints for a year.  
  
She might've spoken from experience. But that didn't count, she was a freshman back then and she'd thought Dahlia loved her.   
  
But she did like being friends with Kahlan, even if she'd never admit it. Despite Kahlan being daddy's little girl (she had a Disney princesses bedspread, who  _did that_? If anyone was going to be sleeping on Princess Jasmine, Cara would've thought it'd be herself), she never judged Cara, not even in a hippy-drippie 'your self-expression is so lovely' way. After she overheard a phone call about Cara leaving her Agiel in someone's apartment (and Googling what an Agiel was), all she asked was if Cara used protection. 'Well, obviously.'  
  
Honestly, Cara thought she scared Kahlan a little bit. If that weren't the case, she'd have loved to share the details, since Kahlan was clearly interested in a bit more than whatever she got up to with Richard (and judging by the blush when Cara caught her watching fucking  _The Client List_ , that probably wasn't much). But no, best if she just listened to how Richard took Kahlan to a _vineyard_  and they got to stomp grapes and wasn't that  _fun_? Not that she was jealous or anything. Cara really didn't care for liquor unless she was doing body shots with it. She liked being in control.  
  
These convictions had been firmly in place until the moment Kahlan flounced in, buzzed enough to trip where the hall's tile floor became the dorm room's carpet and sober enough to catch herself on the bunk bed instead of taking a header. Cara looked up from her Introduction to Psychology text.  
  
Kahlan was staring at her with a downright predatory intensity. "We're watching Crossroads."  
  
***  
  
Kahlan loved Crossroads. Cara hated it. They'd watched five minutes of it and even Dan Aykroyd couldn't trick Cara into thinking this wouldn't be painful in an entirely bad, nonsexual way.   
  
Cara was assertive. She could've shoved Kahlan away and gone to do her homework in the quad. It wasn't like she hadn't done it before. But apparently a two-drink minimum made Kahlan all… cuddly. She'd dragged Cara to the bottom bunk and collapsed on her lap, actually rubbing a few not-gender-neutral places as she got them both crammed into the same tiny IKEA bed.   
  
Cara wasn't a saint, but she also wasn't going to get an O off some drunk girl like she couldn't do any better. It's just that it was nice to see Kahlan  _unwind_  for once. Even around Richard, she was always so tidied up, all pretty pink princess, trying to please him like she was in the running for girlfriend of the year. It was hard to see the woman under all that. Cara liked seeing Kahlan this way, since it obviously wasn't just the drinks that had pulled the stick out of Kahlan. Maybe she'd broken up with Richard.  
  
Why did Cara think that'd be so awesome when clearly it would just mean she'd have to pick Kahlan up from wherever crazed sorority girls went to get over high school sweethearts?  
  
"Cara?" Kahlan asked, in a kinda down voice. Mostly sober, as opposed to the chipper tone she'd had as she'd cursed the Oscars for not recognizing Britney Spears' acting debut, all while trying to get the DVD out of a snap case.  
  
"What?" Cara had been ignoring the movie to look at Kahlan's hair. It was tumbling all over Cara's legs and chest, exploded there from the impact of Kahlan dropping her torso in Cara's lap. She had an inexplicable urge to touch that. Did straight girls do that or was it too gay? Cara was gay and she never touched anyone's hair.   
  
"You're a good friend. If you don't want to watch this, you can put on something else."  
  
"It's fine," Cara said. "Really."  
  
"You're a  _very_  good friend."   
  
Saints wouldn't have replayed that peculiarly-emphasized 'very' in their heads so much. That's why Cara wasn't a saint.  
  
Cara reached down and touched Kahlan's hair, sinking her fingers in to feel Kahlan's scalp. There was a warmth coming off Kahlan's head, not feverish but subdued, and it persisted all the way down to the back of Kahlan's neck. Cara kept petting Kahlan's hair, seeing if it got any hotter.  
  
Christ, she was in love with a straight girl.  
  
"You're like a lesbian, right?"  
  
Not really what you wanted to hear from a girl in your lap, whose hair you were petting, who you were watching Crossroads with. "Bisexual, actually."  
  
Kahlan got up, but it was just to plant her head more comfortably on Cara's ribs. They oriented in mostly the same direction now, lying on the bed parallel to the TV, so they had to turn their heads to see Britney. Which Cara wasn't doing, even if one of the girls looked a lot like Zoe Saldena.   
  
"But you prefer women?" Kahlan asked once they got settled. "Why?"  
  
Cara wondered how to phrase her response. Then she figured that Kahlan was probably too drunk to care. "They're better in bed."  
  
Kahlan laughed. She didn't normally laugh. She had a way of smiling and ducking her head. But she had a good laugh, even if she didn't get much practice.  
  
"But what do lesbians  _do_ , exactly?" Kahlan blinked a few times like she'd lost her train of thought. "In bed, I mean? Not for social gatherings or…"  
  
Apparently, that was the end of that sentence. Cara answered, actually feeling a little awkward. She'd known a woman who'd actually had a whole list memorized, just to rattle off at anyone who challenged her. The only part Cara remembered was  _I ream assholes. I take it like a man and I give it like a man. I take it like a woman and I give it like a woman._  She'd kept wondering if that was a poem.  
  
"It's mostly just whatever feels good. Everyone's different. And everyone wants to experiment, too, so… it's not like a salon appointment."  
  
Kahlan laughed again. Cara could get used to it. "Cara, you wanna feel my breasts?" She looked up at Cara with a zealous expression that made Cara laugh, it was just so—and this was all so—it was like she was the one who'd been drinking.  
  
"What kind of party did you go to?" Cara asked.   
  
Kahlan looked upset now. "I just  _mean_  that if you wanted to, you could touch my breasts.  _God._ " She turned her head decisively to her left, watching the movie now.  
  
"I'm… sorry," Cara said reluctantly. She hated apologizing, even if it did come easy when she was talking to Kahlan. The woman was a kicked puppy, even if she had been underfoot. "Do you want me to touch your…" It sounded damn awkward repeating that. "Do you want me to touch _you_?"  
  
Kahlan shrugged. "You can if you want to."  
  
Kahlan was wearing layers, blue sleeves shooting out of the jacket's white fleece. The jacket sleeves were rolled up because Kahlan had bought the thing on sale and the sleeves were too short for it, so she rolled them up anyway. Cara reached down and took her hands, balled up in the sheets that had splayed around their legs in all the maneuvering. Her fingertips massaged the backs of Kahlan's hands until, naturally, organically, they relaxed. Cara eased her hands down and joined them with Kahlan's, thumbs sliding around Cara's wrists to rub at her pulse points.   
  
With their arms together, Cara could lift Kahlan with her barely noticing, hitch her up so Cara could slide underneath and lower her back down so their faces were together, their cheeks rubbing as Kahlan landed next to her on the pillow. "We don't just grope each others' breasts," Cara said soothingly, her words soft since Kahlan's ear was right there, begging to be bitten. "Us lesbians."  
  
"Girl kissed me at the party," Kahlan muttered. "Stuck her tongue down my throat. I kept thinking how nice it would've been if she hadn't tasted like Smirnoff Ice. I was walking home and one of those campus carts asked me if I wanted a ride here and I thought I'd see you. I really wanted to see you."  
  
Kahlan sighed longingly. She shifted, trying to get closer, and her hip banged against Cara's lap, her crotch. Cara shuddered. It was a surprise how wet she was, how suddenly  _uncomfortable_  her damp panties and stiff jeans were on her. She needed to be in her leathers to be in control. But she could really enjoy being out of control.  
  
Kahlan seemed to echo her thoughts. She growled suddenly and flipped over, burying herself in Cara. The blonde got a face full of hair as Kahlan nipped at her neck, butterflying kisses over from her shoulder to her ear. Only the thin strap of Cara's tanktop stood in her way and Kahlan pulled that out of the way, a gesture that unintentionally sent ripples down Cara's body until they centered on her cunt, wet and needful.  
  
"You move fast…" Cara exclaimed, a little wondrous.   
  
"No time like the present," Kahlan moaned happily. Settling on top of Cara, she linked their hands once more, pushing Cara's up to the headboard. With a grin, she rubbed her thumbs across Cara's wrists. Cara dutifully moaned. Kahlan smiled and then leaned down to lick her way from the hollow of Cara's throat to the point of her chin. "Still don't wanna touch my breasts?"  
  
Cara tried to answer, but Kahlan was stronger than she looked—she held Cara's hands just where they were. "No? Maybe if you saw them, you'd want to touch…" She swayed in to give Cara a closer look, her zipper jangling from its unacceptably high perch on Kahlan's cleavage. Cara simply reared up and bit down on it, letting Kahlan's movements pull it down for her as she held it in place.  
  
Kahlan was beautiful. Her breasts were perfect. Not too big, definitely not too small, and so perky it was like they had never even heard of gravity. Her nipples poked through the thin material of her top, demanding to be touched… pinched… twisted. Cara actually felt her mouth water.  _Please, God, let Kahlan get off on that._  
  
"Turn off the TV," Kahlan said, keeping those damned breasts just a little ways from Cara's mouth where they needed to be. Her voice was lower and sultrier than Cara had ever heard it.  
  
"That's on my agenda," Cara growled. She really had no wish to associate this memory with Brit-Brit in  _any_  way.  
  
"Should I do it?" Kahlan asked, nodding toward the remote laying on the bunk-bed's ladder. Just that motion dipped her breasts a little closer, enough to make Cara feel like a fever had broken on.  
  
"Turn. The TV. Off," Cara ordered.   
  
Kahlan complied happily, and was taken by surprise when Cara didn't even wait for the screen to shrink to a dot to make her move. Cara wrapped her legs around Kahlan, snapping them shut like a steel trap, holding Kahlan  _very_  still as she lifted her face to Kahlan's cleavage.   
  
"Oh!" Kahlan said sharply, then, softer, "Oh…" as Cara licked at the fabric over her nipple, giving her the barest hint of warmth and moisture. Her voice deepened. " **Oh** ," as Cara dotted the tip of her breast with small kisses, little pinpricks of heat that woke her flesh up with need. Half of her was in heaven, but her other breast seemed to  _hurt_  with need. She tried to shift over, but Cara held her fast. Her instincts took over. She let go of Cara's hands, buried her fists in Cara's golden hair, and forced her lips elsewhere.  
  
Only the moment she let go, Cara rolled them over, off the bed, landing in a tangle of bedsheets and body parts and the pushed-up carpet Kahlan had brought from home. Cara laughed triumphantly as she mounted Kahlan, pulling her tanktop aside, sinking her fingers into Kahlan's incredible breasts and squeezing until Kahlan cried out, pain impossible to separate from pleasure.  
  
"Lesbians…" Kahlan gasped, struggling to concentrate with Cara rutting against her leg, clutching her breasts. "Lesbians use their tongues, right?"  
  
Cara paused, hair in front of her face, her knee poised at Kahlan's wet center, her entire body vibrating like a plucked guitar string. "Yes."  
  
"And fingers?" Kahlan was out of breath. She had to swallow in air. "Not just… you know… rubber things?"  
  
"Why?" Cara asked, out of breath herself. "Would you like a rubber thing?"  
  
"No." Kahlan forced in all the air her lungs could take, so she could say calmly. "I want your tongue."  
  
A wide grin fixed, perhaps permanently, on Cara's face, the blonde was just tugging down Kahlan's jeans and making similar plans for Kahlan's pink little panties when the phone rang.  
  
"Oh hell," Kahlan said, instinctively reaching for it, her body not cooperating, the entire movement coming off like a fish on dry land.   
  
"Let it ring," Cara said, growling so hard it was almost a threat. "The machine will get it."  
  
"And then we'll have to listen to them anyway," Kahlan countered. "C'mon, this is a good stopping point—"  
  
"Not for me." Cara dragged her lip out of her teeth, as if the pain could help center her. It didn't. "I wanna know what you taste like."  
  
A nearly sibilant moan rose from Kahlan, blocked out by the fucking phone. "Get it. Please? Really fast? Just tell them you're studying…"  
  
Cara lowered her lips to Kahlan's ear. "I expect your clothes in a neat little pile by the time I'm back," she said in her most forceful tone, the voice she normally used to tell someone which boot they'd be kissing. With an aborted groan, Cara forced herself up. She grabbed the phone from the desk and took it into the bathroom before answering, narrowly resisting the urge to slam the door. "Yeah?"  
  
The voice on the other end made goosebumps break out across Cara's body. "Hey, Cara. Sorry to interrupt you. Is Kahlan there?"  
  
It was Richard.  
  
"What do you mean?" Cara replied, not altogether away from Kahlan. Not altogether up to talking to her… boy person.  
  
"She left the party early," Richard said. "She said she would call me when she got home, but I haven't heard from her. She got there, right?"  
  
"Yeah," Cara said. "She's asleep now. Can I take a message?"  
  
"Just ask her if she thinks we're still on for the Grand Slam Breakfast tomorrow or if she's gonna be under the weather. Cool?"  
  
"Yes. Very cool. I'll ask her as soon as she wakes up."  
  
"Thanks, Cara. You rock."  
  
He hung up then. She didn't have to.   
  
Cara came out of the bathroom to find Kahlan back in bed, a sheet covering her, one naked leg slanting down to the floor. Who did that? Kahlan, apparently.  
  
She guessed Richard liked it.  
  
"I have to go," Cara said, hurriedly grabbing her shoes and throwing them on without socks. No hesitation, no time to change her mind.   
  
"Go?" Kahlan asked, like she needed the word defined for her. "Go where?"  
  
"Out. I'll be right back," Cara lied. "It's an emergency."  
  
"But, we…"  
  
"I'll tell you all about it when I get back." Cara grabbed all her homework, not even bothering with a bag. "You understand, right?"  
  
"Not really." Kahlan pulled up her sheet and looked down it, like she was considering whipping the thing off. Cara silently begged her not to. "I was really enjoying what we were doing."  
  
"Yeah. So was I. Right back." Cara slammed herself out the door, closing it behind her and taking a few deep breaths before she set out for the library.  
  
She studied there into the wee hours of the morning.  
  
***  
  
The next time Cara saw Kahlan she was on Richard's leg, laughing as he explained an old scar on his elbow to one of his football buddies. It was in the quad, with students all around, tanning on the grass and taking advantage of one of the few places where free wi-fi didn't fall under the library's strict rules. Kahlan spotted Cara a second later and sped over to her even as Cara backed away. Cara sat down a second before they collided, digging out her phone to check. Even as the touchscreen lit up, Kahlan was sitting down on the bench beside her.   
  
"Hey."  
  
"Hey there," Cara replied. She felt foolish. Undersexed.  
  
"We're going to Buffalo Palace later. You want anything?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Buffalo Palace," Kahlan repeated. She really didn't have the face for duplicity. Everything came out perfectly sincere. "It's a new place on 122nd. All the dudebros are wild for it, but don't let that discourage you too much."  
  
"What's Buffalo Palace have to do with last night?"  
  
"What's last night have to do with right now?"  
  
Cara shut her eyes, trying to force down the blush rising to her cheeks. God, this was why she didn't date. Was everyone in the entire world so…  _frustrating?_  "You kissed me," she said, putting it simply.  
  
"Yeah, so? It's college. Everyone messes around."  
  
A doom-and-gloom thought hit Cara. "You didn't tell Richard, did you?" she asked, stricken.  
  
"Of course not. I mean, he's kissed other girls, he'd told me about it… he always says he was drunk or they came on to him, whatever." Kahlan looked away. "I know this is different. Since you're a girl. But we've been dating since high school and, God, you know…? It's not like I can do this stuff when we're  _married._ "  
  
"So you're getting married now?" Cara had meant for it to be a snarky rejoinder. Not a question.   
  
Kahlan kept staring into the distance. There was nothing out there. Just some trees and a statue of an old white dead guy. "Well, of course. He hasn't proposed or anything, but… we did this in high school, we did this in college. What else are we gonna do?"  
  
"So last night was…?"  
  
"I don’t know, Cara." Kahlan's head whipped back to Cara and now she sounded angry, the sullen kind she got when she was trying not to be angry. "I kissed you and I said I liked you and we were going to  _keep_  kissing and then you left. So I guess you weren't  _interested_  and you just put up with your roommate slobbering on you until you could get away, which you did and I'm sorry about it. So can this not be awkward, huh?"  
  
It was Cara's turn to look away. "Yeah. I'm sorry too."


	2. Roommates

There was only so natural you could act with someone when you knew what their breasts felt like. Cara (and some cannabis) thought that was where the institution of marriage had come from. 'Wife' was just short-hand for 'I've felt this person's boobs, in case you're wondering why we're so weird with each other.'  
  
So Cara saw nothing weird when Kahlan's only words for her over a day of studying were "I'm gonna watch a movie now."  
  
"Sure," Cara replied, slipping on a pair of headphones and cuing The Smiths. She glanced at their shared TV, just to see if Kahlan was watching Music & Lyrics again; if she had been, Cara would've felt obliged to go to the common room so Kahlan could masturbate, or whatever straight women did when they watched Hugh Grant movies.  
  
The movie looked familiar, but Cara couldn't place it. She kept glancing up from her essay, distracted by the déjà vu. The cinematography was darker than Kahlan's usual fare, the actors washed out in shades of gray. As much as Cara joked, Kahlan wasn't really one for Disney cartoons and My Little Pony, but she did prefer rom-coms, old musicals. This movie looked like it was about handsy Catholic priests or something.  
  
Then Cara saw Gina Gershon and it all clicked into place. She took off her headphones, saved her Word document, and dropped onto the couch beside Kahlan. "If you're waiting for a dance number, you're in for a long haul."  
  
"Oh, you've seen this?"  
  
"Bound? Yes, I've seen it. It was on ABC Family the other day," Cara replied smartly. She tucked herself beside Kahlan, like they were really going to watch Bound together. Kahlan wasn't intimidated, so Cara said in her usual tone. "There's a sex scene coming up. You might wanna fast-forward."   
  
"And I might not."  
  
Kahlan was staring at the TV again, like Cara was just a powderpuff that'd blown into her field of vision for a moment. Cara dug her short fingernails through Kahlan's jeans and into her leg.   
  
"What are you trying to  _prove_?" she demanded.  
  
Kahlan bit her lip—a tell. "I don't have anything to  _prove_ ," she shot back, replicating Cara's deliberate inflection. "Maybe I just don't care if a movie has lesbians in it."  
  
Cara called bullshit. "No one watches lesbian movies except lesbians. Have you seen lesbian movies? This is the only one that doesn't end in someone driving off a cliff."  
  
"Then it's good to know I have good taste."  
  
There was a hole in Kahlan's jeans. Cara slipped her finger inside and scratched her nail down Kahlan's thigh, hard. " _Explain._ "  
  
"It's not that complicated," Kahlan said, just a little out of breath, forcing her 'innocent' voice even as she said "I touched myself last night, thinking about you, and I want more to think about. And since I'm not going to get it from you—"  
  
"Ask for it."  
  
"What?" Kahlan asked, wide-eyed now, another tell.   
  
Cara flipped over, straddling Kahlan's lap, and stripped off her shirt in another fluid motion. Kahlan's eyes jerked from her black bra to Cara's challenging expression, back and forth like windshield wipers. "Ask. For. Material."  
  
Her mind scorched, Kahlan defaulted to politeness. "Can I have some material please?"  
  
"No. No." Kahlan looked crestfallen until Cara grabbed her by the chin and forced their eyes to meet. " _Ask_  so I know exactly what you want."  
  
"I want something to think about when I touch myself," Kahlan said, small and hesitant. Her seduction wasn't going as she'd planned. Cara could sympathize. But she was sober and willing and Cara had kicked herself enough times for not fucking her when she'd had the chance.  
  
Cara released her death grip on Kahlan's chin, moving her hand along Kahlan's cheek and into her hair, a bit of smiling softness before she closed her hand again and jerked Kahlan's head back. She leaned down into Kahlan's face like a vampire about to drink. "I'll give you so much to 'think about', you won't be able to stop touching yourself.  _Fucking_  yourself."  
  
"Yes, please, that—" Kahlan started, but Cara wasn't interested. She got up, pulling Kahlan to her feet, and wrestled her to the bed. Threw her in, facedown, arm locked behind her back like a cop making an arrest. With Kahlan restrained, Cara enjoying running a hand up Kahlan's leg from the back of her knee to her tight, taut ass. She squeezed a feel. Kahlan moaned and wiggled, wanting to 'think about it' right now.  
  
"Strip," Cara said, releasing Kahlan with a shove almost across the bed.  
  
"What now?"  
  
"Take off your clothes."  
  
Kahlan's hands clapped together rushing to undo her belt.  
  
" _No._  Nothing below the waist. That's for me."  
  
Kahlan took a few deep breaths, forcing her hands to bunch in her shirt and then lifting it over her head. White bra. Cara smirked at the Intro To Symbolism.   
  
"Lose it."  
  
It opened in the back too.   
  
Kahlan's breasts were as good as Cara remembered. A little better, with a sheen of sweat over them, Kahlan's nervousness also evident in the way they rose and fell in frenzied panting. Cara grabbed the nipple of one and twisted it. Kahlan moaned, crossing her legs.   
  
"Lie back," Cara ordered. "And grab the headboard."  
  
Kahlan did as she was told, her hands shaking in the instant before they locked onto the iron bars. "Don't. Let. Go." Cara smirked at her and turned, shimmying her ass as she walked to her floor locker. The one with the combination lock.  
  
A few twists and it was open. All Kahlan heard was jangling as Cara got out the handcuffs. She held them behind her back as she returned to Kahlan, tossing them both on Kahlan's stomach. The brunette bit her lip, trying not to moan at the feel of cold metal on her bare skin.   
  
"You didn't let go," Cara said, picking up one, lifting it slowly, letting the length of chain pull taut before she hoisted it in front of Kahlan's wide eyes. "That's good."  
  
She bolted it to Kahlan's wrist, the other end to the headboard. Kahlan squeaked, then clamped her mouth shut, embarrassed. Cara picked up the other set and repeated the process. This time, Kahlan moaned.  
  
"How big is Richard?" Cara asked, with a pleasant smile all of a sudden.  
  
"Huh? About six foot two."  
  
"No!" Cara said with her customary snap. She dipped her hand to Kahlan's crotch and squeezed her there hard enough for Kahlan to feel the denim of her jeans through her panties. "How  _big_  is he?"  
  
"Eight inches." Cara raised an eyebrow. "What? I don't want no scrub."  
  
Cara smirked. "Wait here," she said, grabbing a bundle from her foot locker and disappearing into the bathroom. "Not that you have much of a choice." The door shut.  
  
As she waited, Kahlan tried her bonds. Cara had left her with very little slack in the cuffs, and the chains were just long enough to let her scratch her nose. She looked down at her body, tried to stretch it into a pleasing pose. Her nipples were getting tighter and harder, seemingly of their own accord. Kahlan bit her lip, dug her nails into her palms, just to feel something. Her entire body felt magnetic, needing to pull something against it to be complete.  
  
The bathroom door creaked open. Cara stepped out. She wasn't wearing her bra anymore. A corset, leather panties, thigh-highs, a collar… Kahlan almost couldn't parse it all. They all seemed to blend into one cohesive whole. Cara's leathers. Even the dildo seemed to be made of the same sickly sinuous material.   
  
"Ten inches," Cara said, slapping the dildo against her open palm. "I'm really in the mood when I use this."  
  
"I'm in the mood!" Kahlan said defensively.  
  
"You don't have to be. I have lube." Setting the dildo at the foot of the bed—Kahlan briefly imagined it wiggling up her spread legs like a snake—Cara brought up a jar of Vaseline. She set it down on the mattress as well and Kahlan was more worried about staining the bedsheets than having a rather large mass of silicone inside her.  
  
Finally, Cara got out a box of vinyl gloves, snapping them onto her hands with an ominous grin. Kahlan had wondered why she wasn't wearing some kind of leather opera gloves. There she was.  
  
"Now," Cara began, picking up the dildo and anointing it with lubricant. "What's your safe word?"  
  
"I don't know. Whatever you want is fine with me…"  
  
"Whatever I want…" Cara drawled, hanging off the top bunk of their beds. Her gaze moved over Kahlan's body. "Something you're unlikely to say in the heat of the moment. How about… 'Richard'?"  
  
"Whazuh?" Kahlan sat up so fast she caught on her handcuffs and was jerked back down to the pillow.  
  
Cara sat on the bed, stripping her gloves off. "What the hell is going on with you? You throw yourself at me, even while I'm getting ready to practically ravish you, and…" Cara rolled her eyes upward. " _You have a fucking boyfriend!_  I'd like to know what's up with that."  
  
"You think now's a great time?" Kahlan asked sarcastically.  
  
"You're cuffed to the bed. Now works for me."  
  
Kahlan closed her eyes and counted to three, accompanied by the bop of her head with each numeral. Cara had gotten used to that in their first week living together. Finally, Kahlan opened her eyes, and after taking in Cara's leathers once more—"We decided we should… have a… an open relationship."  
  
"Open relationship. You? Ms. Congeniality?"  
  
"I finished first-place in that beauty contest and you know it! I was Miss Aylindral!"  
  
"Shut up. So whose idea was it, yours or Richard's?"  
  
Kahlan looked away. "Would you undo these cuffs please? If we're not going to do anything…"  
  
Cara rolled her eyes again, even higher. "Seriously!? A guy says he wants an open relationship and you take him up on it?"  
  
"You're one to talk—"  
  
"Guys do that when they want to break up with you," Cara explained patiently, or as patiently as her sarcasm could come across. "It's their passive-aggressive way of doing inception. You're not supposed to have the low self-esteem to take them up on it!"  
  
"Well, I do!" Kahlan fired back, raising her voice for the first time in what seemed like forever. "I love him more than I care about what he's doing with some… other girl! And I thought it wouldn't be so bad. If he was honest about it. If I could be with you too."  
  
Cara tossed the gloves aside and grabbed the key, unlocking Kahlan like she was rescuing her from a death-trap. "I'm not worth the heartbreak. Tell him you want out of it. Tell him you want the picket-fence and the family dog, not key parties.  _God_. Next he'll be swapping you with some other jock for a quick go at a redhead."  
  
Kahlan didn't say anything. She just got up, rubbing her wrists, and grabbed her bra and shirt off the couch.  
  
"Kahlan," Cara said, insistently. "Kahlan, you can break up with him. It won't even be that bad…"  
  
"For someone I'm not dating, you're fucking possessive," Kahlan said. She slammed the door on her way out.  
  
***  
  
"Packing," Cara answered, not sure she'd heard right. It sounded a lot like Kahlan had asked "What the fuck are you doing?" and that couldn't have been right. Kahlan didn't have that many F-bombs in her arsenal.  
  
"And where the fuck are you going?" Kahlan demanded. Alright, maybe she did.  
  
"Trust me, saying fuck all the time isn't going to get me to take you seriously. I hear it plenty."  
  
Kahlan grabbed the box Cara was filling and held it out of her reach. Cara considered jumping for it, but her dignity wouldn't let her. She just looked Kahlan in the eye and made a face like she was about to rip her spine out. But Kahlan had seen that too many times for it to be effective…  
  
"Where are you going?" Kahlan repeated.  
  
"Off-campus rooming," Cara said, her eyes following Kahlan's face when the brunette looked away. "I found a guy who needs roommate, Leo Dane. He's an idiot, but I can put up with him. And you won't have any trouble finding a new roomie, you're friends with everyone…"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Don't you mean 'Why the fuck?'"  
  
Kahlan set the box down. Slammed it, more like. "I thought we'd be cool," she said. "That's you, right? No pressure, no drama, just… okay, fine, nothing  _has_  to happen between us. But don't do this."  
  
Cara cracked her neck, wishing Kahlan would back off, run away like everyone else. But then, they'd gotten what they'd wanted from her first, and Cara wouldn't give Kahlan the satisfaction. "It's easy not to have drama with people I don't care about."  
  
"So you love me now, huh, that it?"  
  
Cara grabbed the box and stuffed it as full as she could.  
  
"Oh my god."  
  
"Shut up," Cara growled, but Kahlan was grabbing her, spinning her around.  
  
"You're  _into me,_ " she insisted, demanded almost, leaning into Cara.  
  
"I can do better for you than some skeevy football player. That's not the same thing as Ryan Gosling and whatsherface."   
  
"You're in love with me!"  
  
"I'm your friend. Stop being an idiot about it."  
  
Kahlan flounced down on the couch, arms crossed. "Say it."  
  
"What's  _it_?" Cara asked, dropping the box down almost on top of her.  
  
"Say how you feel."  
  
"Annoyed. Frustrated. Kinda hungry."  
  
"About me!"  
  
"Same difference."  
  
Kahlan groaned and threw her head back. "Richard doesn’t have a problem telling me he loves me."  
  
Cara picked up the next box and threw it a figurine inside so hard that it cracked. She didn't seem to notice. "Because that's not how he feels!"  
  
"You're jealous."  
  
Cara bit her lip to shut herself off. She'd started packing when Kahlan was gone. She hadn't expected her to be back so soon.  
  
"And you're chicken. Thinking I'll reject you if you tell me how you really feel."  
  
She stuffed her books inside, barely lining them up, pages folding the wrong way, covers creasing…  
  
Kahlan got up, her voice higher. "Thinking no one could want you except for sex. Thinking no one could love you."  
  
"You're really proving me wrong!" Cara fired off before she could stop herself.  
  
Kahlan took it, not giving her a shouting match, not giving her anything to go on but the usual canned emotions, making Cara sift through politeness for how she really felt. "Give me something to be wrong about. I'm not leaving Richard for some emotional cripple—"  
  
"My point exactly."  
  
Kahlan winced, and Cara shrugged, chalking up that she hadn't meant it. Still, Kahlan got closer, setting a hand on Cara's shoulder. No, putting it on her shoulder and running it down her arm, like you touched someone when you were used to the feel of their skin but wanted to be reminded of it anyway.   
  
"I'm not leaving Richard for someone who can't tell me how they feel—but I'd leave him for you."  
  
Cara stopped packing. She turned and looked Kahlan dead in the eye. There was a weariness there, a slump in her shoulders, hair hanging in front of her eyes and it wasn't sexy like it had been before, it was the kind of thing that usually drove Kahlan back a step.  
  
"Don't fucking play games with me," she said. "I'll come back later to pick up my stuff. And I don't want to see you again, so you'd better be out of here then."


	3. Frenemies

Cara fantasized about Kahlan showing up at her doorstep. In the dreams, Kahlan was a bitch, starting in on a tirade about how immoral Cara was, just so Cara could shut her down and tell her what a cunt she was with a clear conscience. She came up with a couple hundred inventive ways to sum up Kahlan Amnell, none of them mentioning her bright and cheery personality.

Then Kahlan ruined that fantasy too, showing up at Cara's door with tear streaks all the way down her throat. All the one-liners dropped away. Cara just opened her door wider. And then, when Kahlan kept crying, Cara let go of the door so it drifted open. She dared Kahlan with her sullen posture to make something of the gesture other than a draft. 

Kahlan was all out of shame. She charged her way into a hug. Cara's arms moved like they were magnetized, her mouth filled with strange words. She was rubbing Kahlan's back, she was cooing nonsense in her ear. She needed to know what was wrong more than she needed to know the meaning of life.

Kahlan's voice came through her own comforting, louder and clearer than Cara could've anticipated. "I screwed everything up! I'm sorry, God, I'm so sorry!"

"Quiet," Cara replied, angry with herself, with both of them. She couldn't take another go-around of pity. "It's Richard, isn't it?"

Kahlan nodded against Cara's shirt. Cara nudged the door shut with her foot and that was Kahlan's cue to tell everything.

"There was this book," Kahlan said. The most charge she gave was saying the name of the book. Even now, she said it with the thrill of the taboo. "The Ethical Slut."

She acted the doll as Cara led her to a seat, removed her jacket, her heels. Her halter top looked obscene on her, presenting her flesh alongside her tearful face.

"I've read it," Cara confirmed, off Kahlan's look.

"So did Richard. We decided to set some guidelines, for starters?"

Cara saw nothing else to do but nod. 

"Guidelines like… he would have Denna and I would have—you." Kahlan looked away from Cara like she was a horror movie, an axe murder about to happen. She looked so uncomfortable that Cara moved away. Went to the mini fridge, got a beer. She opened it, took a tasteless sip, and decided Kahlan needed it more. So, she offered it. 

"You're not trying to ply me with alcohol, right?" Kahlan asked, drinking. She was being sarcastic.

Cara sat beside Kahlan. "If I was going to take advantage of you, I would've done it when your mascara wasn't running."

"Thanks. For that. I think it brought stuff with Richard to a head. Oh!" Suddenly excited. Maybe because the drink was working or maybe Cara was actually comforting her. "I forgot. We were always supposed to tell each other when we were… on a date. I mean, I told him I was going to be with you."

Cara made a face. "Glad I turned you down then."

Kahlan matched her expression. "Thanks a lot!"

"Not… glad-glad. I just wouldn't want him involved." Kahlan lightened at that. If anyone could get wanting sex to be special, it'd be her. Cara took the empty can from her and dropped it in the recycle bin. "So what's the trouble in paradise?"

That got the waterworks going again. Not hysterics, not track-down-your-old-roommate-and-run-crying-across-half-the-campus hysterics, but two tears carved a path down her face and more followed. Cara was sorry and angry with herself. Not for what she'd said, but for the self-loathing. She hadn't said anything wrong.

Kahlan wiped her eyes and trooped through the replacement tears. "Richard's gone. He's with her, I know it! He's been with Denna, just so much… I didn't tell him you turned me down, but I didn't lie, I haven't said anything about more encounters, it's all him, he's the ethical slut, not me! Then you move out, so I had to tell him, so that means he has to call it off with Denna, right? Only he's not at our place and some of his condoms are gone—"

"Wait. You track his condoms?"

"What? Doesn't everyone?"

"I've heard rumors about some crazies who can actually trust their boyfriends."

Cara knew even as she said it that that would get Kahlan crying again. She grabbed Kahlan in a preemptive hug, but Kahlan pushed her away. "Can you not be you for one minute?" Kahlan demanded.

Anger flashed through Cara. She let it into her voice, but didn't let it take over. "That's obviously impossible, Kahlan. Do you want me to wear kid gloves or do you want me to talk to you like an equal? Because if you want someone to hold your hand and say you and Richard will work things out, that's not me."

Kahlan paced, arms folded under her breasts and hands in her hair and fists beating against the wall. Finally, she seemed to exhaust herself, head leaning against the wall. She grabbed a lock of her hair and wrenched it in her hands, saying "Tell me everything you've held back. I want to know."

Cara sat there, feeling like an idiot, because she'd wanted to handle Kahlan with kid gloves. She wanted to hold the silly bitch and sing to her and tell her it would be alright. She just didn't want to lie. 

Standing, with a sudden cramp in one leg, Cara moved to lean against the wall beside Kahlan. "You and Richard aren't right for each other. Maybe you were once. Whatever he wants now, he won't take from you. You know that, Kahlan, deep down. That's why you want someone else."

At least Kahlan stopped hanging her head. She turned around and sat on the floor, propped against the wall like a teetering building. "So why don't you want me?"

Cara just stood there, not looking at Kahlan any more, just the wall. "I do. But I'm selfish. I want all of you. Everything Richard doesn't appreciate, I want to make you know how special it is. I don't want you to be another conquest or me to be an experiment. I want to be that person you've spent your whole life waiting for."

Kahlan ran her hands over her face. Her eyes emerged aimed at Cara. "And if I can't give you that? I've wanted you for a long time, both as a friend and… something more. But I can't tell how much more. What if we do this and I end up wanting something that I can't get from you? Six months and you're right where I am now. I don't want to do that to you."

"I'd rather have a chance with you than a sure thing with anyone else in the world." 

Cara slid down into a crouch. She moved in on Kahlan with the slow inevitability of a spinning coin, gravity pulling it down. Her hands landed first, one on Kahlan's thigh, another at the back of her knee. Cara came down on one knee, the landing inches from Kahlan's crotch. She was inside Kahlan's space, too close for the brunette to do anything but move with her, the space between them more like a mirror than any distance. Kahlan's hand came to Cara's hip. Cara's hand made a stroke from the nape of Kahlan's neck to the point of her chin. That line tingled on Kahlan's skin like a drug. Kahlan made her own, sending two fingers to wipe the sweat from Cara's spine. She'd never been so glad for backless tops. Cara was purring as she rubbed her lips against Kahlan's, not parting them yet but teasing Kahlan, priming her, making her beg with shallow breaths and high, needy sounds.

"Let me show you," Cara ordered, and her lips stayed open to fasten to Kahlan's, drowning her lengthy moan between them.

Cara pulled away, keeping her promise to herself that she would only give Kahlan a taste and let her decide what to do with it. Kahlan didn't look like she was doing anything. She stayed where Cara had left her, poised like she was still being kissed, eyes shut, lips parted, breath weighted down in her lungs. She let it out she'd just been reminded. Her exhale stirred even Cara's short hair. It said that she was satisfied and not at all satisfied.

Kahlan stood, grabbing Cara's shoulder to keep from falling over. Once her legs had stopped shaking (or maybe when she realized that putting her crotch on eyelevel with Cara was like setting a keg in front of an alcoholic) she made her way to her purse. Her fingers were steady by the time they fished her phone out. It beeped as Kahlan held down a key, then dialed. Kahlan hesitated before bringing the phone to her ear. 

"Hello, Richard. I know you can't get this because you're with Denna. And that's okay. If you've found someone else, then I'm glad you won't be lonely. But it's hurting me how you're holding onto both of us. So I've found someone else too. And I'm going to be with her. I hope it's for a long time." She hung up. Cara wanted to run to her, wanted to kiss her again, wanted to not stop, but something in Kahlan's mien forbid it. She was just standing there, not moving except to sway on still-trembling legs. "It's over," she said. "I ended it." The phone slipped out of her hand. The noise it made against the floor made Cara jump. Kahlan didn't notice. "I'm going to bed," she stated, same tone as before.

"Do you want some… company?" And it sounded lame even to Cara, for once trying for something deeper than a come-on and it just bounced right off Kahlan.

"No."

"I'll be right here," Cara said, after Kahlan turned her back on her.

Kahlan didn't answer.


	4. Girlfriends

Cara slept on Kahlan's couch, staring at her bedroom door until she couldn't keep her eyes open. When she woke up, the door was open. Kahlan was in the kitchen. White panties atop miles of legs and a T-shirt stretched hard over her chest. Knowing Kahlan had been sleeping in  _that_  made Cara's stomach loop-de-loop. Or it might've just been the bacon she was cooking.  
  
Kahlan realized Cara was awake by the sound of her blanket falling away as she sat up. Kahlan looked and then looked away. Cara was actually dressed more conservatively than her—jeans and a tanktop—but her bare feet and tousled hair kept Kahlan thinking  _sex_. "I made thank-you bacon, for staying with me. It was good—knowing you were there."  
  
"Anytime," Cara replied, finger-combing her hair back into shape.   
  
Kahlan loaded a plate with strips, her kitchen tongs making dainty little snips as she worked. "Don't take this the wrong way, but… could you not talk for a bit? I don't mean to be rude, but I have something to say—something that I really  _need_  to say—and it would go best if it were a speech, not a conversation. I mean, I practiced." Finished, Kahlan dropped the tongs and turned off the burner and put the skillet in the sink and took the plate to Cara, setting it down in front of her. "Eat."  
  
Cara picked up a strip of bacon and chewed it dubiously. She didn't want to stuff her face while Kahlan was clearing the air; if only the bacon wasn't so fucking good.   
  
Kahlan took a deep breath and knotted her fingers together. "Thank you… a lot… for being here for me. You didn't owe me anything. But you're a really good friend; even when I'm not. I've been unfair to you lately. Treating you like… well, like a whore. And you're not. I mean, not that anything's wrong with being a, a sex worker, but you're much more than that. Clearly. Obviously. You're kind and supportive and there's so much, so many things, you keep them hidden but they're  _there._  I've seen a piece of it. I could spend a lifetime seeing more."  
  
Cara reached for Kahlan's hands. Kahlan pulled them back, against her chest.  
  
"But that wouldn't be fair to you."  
  
Kahlan rose, circling the room like she was dancing around something, and Cara sat there, guessing that her unspoken promise to keep silent included shaking Kahlan into explaining herself.  
  
"Last night, lying awake in bed, I finally asked myself what other people were going through. What was happening with Denna, and with Richard, and with you. For a long time, I've been doing what's right for me… that's not what I believe in. I believe in putting others first. Being honest with Richard, that was a step in the right direction, but he doesn’t matter to me as much as you. And that wasn't as hard as doing this."  
  
Kahlan stopped, across the room, and through all that space Cara could see the tears, stillborn, in her eyes. She'd worked herself into a cry, like when an ASPCA commercial came on the air. Only worse, because then the waterworks started and Cara could make fun of it, but here she _held back_ , and her eyes were just red and glossy, just broken, strangling Cara. She couldn't breathe.  
  
"I do want to spend my life with you, but as a sister, not as some kind of… sex partner. Because I am a wreck. I actually… God, I actually called you out for going after what you want and being who you are, when I was the one who just tried to be whoever Richard wanted me to be. I'm nothing. I'm shit. I tried to be ready for this, all my life, I tried to improve myself and be mature and learn and I'm… here. I'm making excuses. For being some dumb, stupid slut who agrees to being cheated on."  
  
Cara stood. Kahlan threw out a hand, warding her off.  
  
"And I was actually…  _arrogant_  enough to think you wanted me. That you were in love with me! When the truth is, there isn't much to love. Just an idiot little girl who has clearly managed to fuck herself up, despite a life that most people would kill for. So, it was nice of you to let me think we had something…"  
  
Cara started walking toward her and Kahlan lowered her hand, guessing that Cara had gotten her point, bracing herself for a hug or a pat on the head or maybe a kiss on the cheek if she was lucky.  
  
"But I get it. You don't think about me that way. I threw myself at you-- _twice_ \--and you said no, and I respect that. You're not attracted to me. Why would you be? You're used to… what you're used to… and I can't give you that and I'd better stop before I turn this into a pity party, but I promise, if you can ever forgive me for how I've treated you, I won't ever do it again. Not a joke, not a flirt, not a word. We can pretend it never happened. That I never kissed you and you never—what are you doing?"  
  
Cara was close now. She'd started close, seemingly, exerting some weird gravity, a black hole force, like she wasn't getting closer but Kahlan was right up against her already, getting pressed down into her heady scent, and just when she'd blinked her eyes she'd realized what she'd lied to herself about. Cara hadn't been listening. Not for a while. She'd been bringing them together, not that it'd seemed that way when Kahlan had made so many first moves. This just felt like Cara had stopped pulling away.  
  
"What are you doing?" Kahlan asked again, less firmly.  
  
"Not talking," Cara whispered. Like she'd promised. Her fingers flitted up the hem of Kahlan's shirt, pulled back like claws, stretching the material toward Cara. Instantly, Kahlan felt a cool breeze on her exposed stomach. The gust rolled upward, over her skin, up to her nipples and found them already hard. As Cara found them, when she rolled the shirt over Kahlan's breasts and smiled at the sight of her prize.  
  
"Cara," Kahlan whimpered, and she'd said that name so many times, in fondness and exasperation and anger and joy, but never like she'd needed something. Never like a plea.  
  
"Shh," Cara replied, moving her lips to Kahlan's like she was just trying to silence her. "My turn to talk."  
  
And the rest was pleasure. The closeness of Cara, the  _her_ ness of her, it blotted out things. Left only the kiss. Didn't let Kahlan remember her shirt clearing her skin, or the sound it made as it landed in a ball on the floor, or the sudden cool air on her body. No, all she felt was Cara's hands, warm, so warm, like a fireplace on a winter night. How could Kahlan have ever thought she was cold? She burned hot, Kahlan's little furnace.  
  
And God, if Cara's hands were where she needed them, twisting her nipples or caressing her lips or even groping her ass (how many times had Richard done that, but never like Cara, Kahlan was sure), then Kahlan was sure she would blank out again, wake up after Cara had had her wicked way, feeling the same tingly aftershocks as when Richard was convinced to go down on her instead of giving her jewelry for a special occasion, and it would almost be worth it only Kahlan wanted to feel everything. Funny as hell. Just then, they actually needed to take it slow.  
  
Slow like Cara's hands, starting at the lines of Kahlan's cheekbones as if to hold her in place for another kiss (and good thing too, because Kahlan thought she might melt, thought she might end up on the floor without even being fucked there like she wanted, so desperately  _wanted_ ). And when they did kiss, those hands (slowly, with all the time in the world) moved down Kahlan's throat (they could choke her, they could collar her like a dog, they could pull her around by the hair and all those options sounded  _perfect_ ) and down her shoulders (Cara could shake her, she could slap her) and down her ribs (she could scratch, or bite, or claw) and to her hips (or a nice, hard spanking) and they circled her waist, almost spanning her taut belly because Cara's fingers were so long and slender and callused and  _oh_ , Kahlan  _knew_ , she knew exactly what Cara could do, with those fingers, those long, slender, callused fingers. It would be just like what Kahlan did to herself, only so different, so  _Cara._  
  
Cara saw Kahlan thinking it, saw the thought light a fire in her eyes, and she smiled. A predator's smile, for a predator who'd caught prey. She'd said her piece.  
  
"You want this," Cara said, only she wasn't speaking anymore. Her voice was a kind of touch, a kind of fucking, and those rough, husky words actually blotted out Cara's fingers as they gently, so gently, pulled Kahlan's panties aside like a bomb squad would move a wire. "Right here. Right now. Fast and hard and dirty, like only I can give you. Isn't that right?"  
  
"You're always right," Kahlan said weakly. She actually grinned at the fact that she'd managed to talk.  
  
"Mmm." Cara bit Kahlan's smile. Sent the most teasing, taunting bit of pain through her nerves. Like she was losing her virginity all over again. When she let go, Kahlan's lips snapped back against her teeth, and then it was all pleasure. It was that cool breeze again, against her pussy. "I'm going to touch you now," Cara said, her finger by Kahlan's core, stirring the air. Kahlan could've sworn she felt the heat of it, oscillating nearer and further. "Thank me."  
  
"Thank you, Mistress Cara," Kahlan said. She didn't grin this time. She wasn't even sure she'd spoken.  
  
"You don't have to call me Mistress." Cara fell silent as she entered Kahlan, her middle finger like a flag planting on virgin territory, claiming it, making it hers. She waited for the long, drawn-out moan that they always made, so familiar and so different because it was  _Kahlan_. Then she spoke. "We're friends, after all."  
  
And when she was done… when her finger was all the way in… Cara extended her pointer finger from her tightly coiled fist. Brought it up slowly, let its nail slide over Kahlan's labia. Didn't give her a moment's rest. They were friends. After all.  
  
"I'm going to give you another finger now," Cara said. More like breathed. It was getting to her, that this was Kahlan, this heat and tightness and panting, demanding  _need_  was her fucking roommate. It was making her want to force the bitch to her knees and wrench her hair out of her scalp and drag her mouth to cunt, make her drink, just like leading a horse to water only a woman was more obedient when Cara held the reins. " _Thank me._ "  
  
But she wouldn't. It was Kahlan. She was special. She deserved the best.  
  
"Thank you soooo much," Kahlan gasped, her brow furrowed, her body in all kinds of knots.   
  
\--and Cara gave her more to be thankful about--  
  
"Thank me. Thank me!"  
  
\--until Kahlan was filled up, practically fisted--  
  
"Yes, yes!"  
  
\--and Cara's clit was clawing at her panties and her hard, rough denim like a prisoner in a cage—  
  
"Ungrateful little--!"  
  
\--and Kahlan would've come if she could, but she couldn't, it just felt too good—  
  
"Th—th—"  
  
\--then her body couldn't take anymore, it was too ready and not nearly ready enough, it was used to wanting this and not used to having it—  
  
"Thank you, Cara!"  
  
\--and nothing was blotted out, not a damn thing.  
  
She felt everything, every breath of air on her flesh, every inch of skin on Cara's fingers, everything, everything, everything, it was all inside her and it was all her orgasm.  
  
 _"Thank you so fucking much!"_  
  
\--and her voice turned hoarse and her legs turned to water and she fell, Cara's fingers slipping out of her, all four of them, her bare ass slapping the kitchen floor and her breasts bouncing and her teeth snapping and her body swaying, for a moment, as she sat up, still trying to say the words with no air in her lung, and then she flopped backward onto the forgiving coolness of the tiles and laid there, thankful.  
  
"You're welcome," Cara said, licking her fingers clean.  
  
She knelt down and pulled Kahlan's panties the rest of the way off. Wouldn't want them to get dirty after all. Wet.  
  
Much later, after Cara had laid down beside Kahlan and petted her hair and licked a little of the sweat from her breasts, Kahlan stopped shaking. She turned to Cara and said first thing "Can I do that to you?"  
  
Cara could only nod. For once, Kahlan had left her speechless.  
  
That night, it wouldn't be the last time.  
  
***  
  
They laid in bed, eating reheated bacon and drinking tea. And Cara had always thought she was a coffee girl.  
  
"Cara?" Kahlan said. She'd said that name in fondness and exasperation and anger and joy and need, but never so lovingly.  
  
Cara swallowed her bacon. "Yes dear?"  
  
Kahlan raised an eyebrow, as if to say "Pet names already?" without being bitch enough to say it. "I was just wondering about the sex dungeon routine?"  
  
"The sex dungeon routine?" Cara repeated, flashing a certain grin.  
  
"I'm not complaining. Actually, I wouldn't be adverse to… experimentation. I was just wondering, why you?"  
  
Cara rolled onto her back, licking her fingers clean. "I've thought about it. I used to think 'what's wrong with me?' Then I realized something's wrong with everyone, so then I thought 'okay, why this?'"  
  
"And?" Kahlan prompted, folding an arm over her breasts. For a moment, Cara had been distracted.  
  
The blonde took her time eating another strip, just to show she didn't appreciate the new view. "I got into it as a sub. At first I thought I'd just let someone spank me, but pretty soon there were whips and chains and handcuffs… It was like being nothing. Just a conduit for someone else's pleasure. But at the same time, I was so important. I could've stopped it all with one word. I just didn't."  
  
"And then?"  
  
"Then I wondered what it would be like to seem to have all the power… to be inflicting the pain… and yet, someone else is at the wheel. Asking for it. It'd be like… being real. Being a person."  
  
Kahlan said nothing. Just moved against Cara and held her, surprised at how easily Cara accepted it. She'd never have thought of the woman as a cuddler. But then, she'd been foolish about a lot of things.   
  
Slowly, like she was reading hieroglyphics, Kahlan's fingers moved over the lines of Cara's muscles, the curves of her body… the borders of the scar on her back. The one argument against her flesh's perfection.  
  
"You can ask," Cara said. It was just an exhale.  
  
Kahlan came at it sideways. Trying to spare Cara all the pain. "I notice things. Your family never shows up. Never calls. I talk about my parents all the time, but you don't. And I would've noticed if you were uncomfortable, even back then. It's like you're just… numb there."  
  
"So, what, you think I lost my virginity during a daddy-daughter talk?" Cara snapped. Not angry, but bitter. Angry over other people who'd asked, or assumed, or gossiped.  
  
"No. I think you don't want to talk about it. Not with someone who doesn't care an awful lot."  
  
"And you do?" At any other time, a phrase like that from Cara would've been laden with sarcasm. This was just… needing confirmation.  
  
"I do. I couldn't care more."  
  
"My parents never touched me. They didn't hit me or anything. You have to care to do that. Daddy checked out when I was just old enough to remember him leaving. He didn't close the door all the way. And after that, I guess my mom thought that if he wasn't going to raise me, why should she?"  
  
Kahlan kept trying to spare Cara the pain, when those nerves had been burnt out a long time ago. She knew anything she said would hurt, so she just nuzzled the side of Cara's neck, breathing in her pure, clean scent.  
  
"I actually remember my dad more than my mom. At least he had… exit, stage right. My mom just wasn't there. But some matches were. I set some drapes on fire, stayed to get burnt, the firefighters pulled me out. It was on the six o'clock news. After that, I was in foster care. My 'family' didn't care, they just needed the money, but at least they gave me three square meals. I got myself emancipated at sixteen, worked whatever jobs I could, earned a scholarship. Came here. Met you."  
  
"You're very brave," Kahlan said softly.  
  
"What's brave about it? What else was I gonna do? If there was a button I could've pushed to get into the Brady Bunch, I would've pushed it."  
  
"Well then, you're modest."  
  
"Nah." Cara put on a ghetto accent. "I'm a hot bitch. I knows it."  
  
"Stop," Kahlan ordered playfully, giving Cara a squeeze. Then, serious again. "You don't have to play some kind of part with me."  
  
"Alright. But it's really not a big deal. It's in the past. You can't change it."  
  
"Maybe we can change us." Kahlan shifted them again, molding herself around Cara like she could form a shield, keeping out even the things that had already gotten in. "It'll be spring break soon. I know you usually have an orgy, but maybe you could come home with me. My mom always fixes more than enough food. And, uh, you know… I do have to tell them I've gone gay sooner or later. But you don't have to, I mean, I could just build up to that. I'm gay, then I have a girlfriend, then my girlfriend is a dominatrix…"  
  
"I'll go to your parents' house." Cara amended herself, "I'd love to go to your parents' house. Even if you are moving awfully fast. First surrendering your virtue, now showing me off to your family…"  
  
"Wait until I say I love you. It's coming. Sooner than you think, it's happening."  
  
"I'll hold my breath."  
  
"Any day now."


End file.
